Hold me together, be forever near me.

People, how could you let me get away without blogging for three weeks? So much has happened in the past three weeks:

1. Espresso Excellence went well, and there's been positive change in my store and Starbucks as a whole.
2. Met Jenn, the girl from the church thingie, for a wonderful dinner.
3. Went to my first hip hop dance class tonight. I'm awful, but it was super fun.
4. Church social and Robin's graduation gathering were great for free food and catching up with people I don't see nearly enough.
5. My brother took a big work exam today, and from what I hear, it went great.
   
6. My grandma is out of the hospital and feeling much better.
7. My grandfather had cataracts surgery that has already proven successful.
8. My sister got to enjoy sunny San Diego for spring break.
9. It snowed 20 inches in Cleveland, and I wasn't there! (Sorry, Clevelanders.)

To remember the rest, I'd probably have to dig out my planner, but suffice it to say, things are good. Have been writing in a personal journal a lot, and it's brought a lot of insight. I've realized that I need to have something planned on my days off for those days to be productive; otherwise, I'll let myself sit around the apartment reading, dozing, and catching up on Netflix. All fine to an extent, but not all day.

More spiritually, I went through a couple of days of feeling deeply sad that I lost my best friend, that he betrayed me, my trust, and my love. That's not a new emotion, but the realization that Jesus has been there -- that opened my eyes. Jesus chose twelve men to be his family, his intimates, his bosom friends, his legacy, and one of those men betrayed him so completely that it led to his death. But, even knowing what was to come, He chose Judas. And, even more amazing to me, He treated Judas no differently than the others. How many times in life do we do something we know is the right thing but because it's difficult or we feel morally superior or possibly know of some sour consequence, we act without a cheerful, loving heart? Jesus welcomed Judas into His inner circle, treated him as a brother privy to as much of His love and teaching as the other eleven, all the while knowing that Judas would eventually deceive and betray him for a bag of coins. It has been an amazing comfort to know that Jesus has been through what I have been through. That someone He loved so deeply hurt Him to the core through an act of betrayal. This is the first time I've ever felt that Jesus went through something just so that He could help me through today. Isn't that an incredible feeling? Knowing that Christ humbled Himself to offer eternal salvation to every soul on Earth, but also that He willingly submitted to humanness in order to save my heart in this moment.

As for the future, I'm looking forward to:

1. Serena's baby shower this weekend.
2. The steak dinner Julio owes me in April!
3. VACATION. Next week, Mom and I are going up to Pacifica for a few leisurely days at my aunt's home. I can't wait for a long drive through beautiful country (sweet alfalfa fields, here I come), shopping in Gilroy, walks/runs along the beach, time to read and write and nap without guilt, hanging out with Ryan, cozy dinners at home or out, Mom's egg custard, cool sea air.
4. Easter.
5. Dance classes to come.

I've actually written more than I'd planned because I have lots of pictures to share (be warned). Next week, I'll be gone so don't expect an entry for a while, but after that, blogs will be more regular (more fiber!), I promise. Adios.

Straws make excellent playthings when Mom just wants a cup of water.


Before a date.


Giada playing fetch!


Rubber isn't so tasty; making use of laundry day; riveted to a cheetah on TV.


Well, that's our little family of late. Everyone have a wonderful couple of weeks.

Into the wild blue.

Who bites at posting consistently? I do, I do! Oh well. :)

Some fun tidbits to share!

• Finally made it to the doctor and got some antibiotics for the Sickness O' Phlegm and am back to good to go.
  
• Spent a couple of days at home with my parents last week, which was all sorts of relaxing and nice. On Valentine's Day, we went to dinner at Vallarta's (MMM, thanks, Dad!) then watched Survivor and Lost (it was Thursday after all). I found it delightful that, during every commercial break during Lost, my aunt called Mom to ooo and ah about what had just happened. Friday, I lazed about the house while the parents worked to make a living. Giada started acting weird; Grammie came to visit; we had hamburgers for dinner and watched Cast Away (my favorite movie) with surround sound.
  
• Giada has been acting funny since last week. Friday morning, she was fine. A couple of hours later, she started tearing around the house, stopping only to lick her coat every once in a while. I thought she might have accidentally gotten outside and rolled in something or chewed on a plant then had a bad reaction. Grammie suggested I rub her down to clean her coat, which seemed to help for a while but the behavior has continued intermittently. Now she's biting at one of her hind feet so I'm going to take her to the vet on Friday. She won't let me look at her foot long enough to see if anything is wrong, and we need to get her fixed up.
• Have you seen the Dunkin' Doughnuts Lattes commercial with the people singing about confusing coffee names? I find it mildly hilarious that announcer tells you to by lattes from Dunkin' Doughnuts, where you "order in English." Don't be fooled -- no matter where you say it, "latte" is an Italian word, people!
• The weather has been amazing lately, eh? Skies almost as blue and expansive as skies in Ohio. Big, fluffy white clouds that don't move as fast as Ohio clouds but are just as pretty. Driving to Exeter on Thursday, I was literally moved to tears by the beauty and majesty of the Sierra Nevadas that greeted me as I made my way east on 198. (Usually, I turn onto Anderson Rd to head home, but that day I drove down to 65 to take the longer way through town, just to see the view for a little while longer.) Mountains remind me of my place in the world -- I am so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, yet God feels it of utmost importance to romance me with the most beautiful sight in my eyes, for no more reason than just to show He loves me intimately.
• Tomorrow is a Super Starbucks Big Whig tour (That's my own name, by the way.) . Traci, my regional director, and Cos, my area vice president (I think, I'm not totally sure of his job title; suffice it to say, he's way up there -- my boss's boss's boss's boss) are touring five stores, including mine, tomorrow. I just found out on Tuesday so I'm a little bit (okay, totally) freaked out. Buuut, my goal is to see this as an exciting opportunity to show off my store -- it's a visit, not a check-up or a test or an obstacle. Traci is great, and it's always good to have face time with important people. Wish me luck!
• For the next two or three weeks, I have Friday and Saturday off, and I'm looking forward to it. No big plans this weekend (take care of Giada, go home to get a table and my computer chair, vacuum) but maybe next weekend. I'd like to make a little trip somewhere, maybe Pismo or Hearst Castle or Monterey Bay Aquarium. And seriously, if anyone around Fresno feels like going with me, please let me know!
• Heads up for Starbucks fans -- next Tuesday, every retail store in North America will close at 530p. At 6p, every store will hold a special training sessions for all of its partners (employees). Starbucks is going through a radical period of adjustment and refocusing, and the training will zone in on making perfect beverages and creating amazing connections with customers. I'm super excited to have this time with my team, and I know that it will be the beginning of better experiences for our customers -- including you!

Well, it's almost time for the season premiere of America's Next Top Model so time to wrap up. After ANTM and some reading, it will be bedtime -- definitely need a good night's sleep tonight! Hope everyone is well; love you all.

Been a long time gone.

Wow, hi, guys. It's been two weeks since the last update, sorry about that. I never got around to posting last week because I've been sick. But let me recap what's been going on.

The gathering at Brad and Jen's house was awesome. I met a really neat young woman named Jen, and we clicked immediately. At the end of the evening, we exchanged phone numbers, but I haven't called her because I've been ill -- don't want to try to make plans I might have to cancel. But later this week, if I'm feeling better, I'll try to connect. My prayers against nerves and to hopefully met a friend were answered; not going to forget about it because of a cold.

Wasn't feeling well Tuesday night so didn't attend the yoga class. Had Wednesday off and started to feel awful; missed the first meeting of the Bible study. Felt disgusting by Wednesday night and ended up calling in sick to work Thursday and Friday. Anyone that knows me knows that is not typical Erica behavior. I'm usually a trooper, but I was too exhausted to get off the couch, much less be perky at work.

Friday night, I finally started to feeling better and made a trip to Target just to get out of the house (be glad you didn't have to look at me; I looked a mess!). Saturday was a productive day -- cleaned the house (dishes and laundry and 409, oh my), listened to a message on dating by Brad, shopped at Borders (five books for under $25 and I had a gift card), read and journaled at Starbucks, and saw Juno in the theatre (wonderful movie). That was the first time I'd ever been to see a movie alone. It was kind of weird, just because I was early (of course) and didn't have anyone to talk to, but I didn't feel as awkward or self-conscious as I expected to. And I'm so glad I went because I loved Juno. It's the kind of movie you want to see again as soon as it's over. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good story and witty dialogue.

Sunday morning brought church then work. So disappointed that I didn't get to see Eli win the Super Bowl -- woo! I would have been adequately impressed if the Patriots had completed a perfect season (it's an admirable feat), but I'd rather root for the underdog. Work itself went well, but I was exhausted by the end of the night. I couldn't remember feeling that tired for a long time.

Now we're only two days in to this week, and it's already been rough. Even though I felt better over the weekend, I'm still congested and phelgm-y. Breathing is wheezy and labored. Extremely tired, easily fatigued. Monday was a fairly productive day at work. When I finally left the store at 430p, I got in the car, turned the key, and ... nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. Got out of the car, popped the hood, and stared at the engine like I might magically conjure up car knowledge that would give me some insight. No such luck, but the battery did have some ick on it.

Hoping my battery was just dead, I went back inside but no one working at the store had jumper cables. Thankfully, Brooklyn was brave enough to ask the lobby full of people if anyone could help. A guy who had just come in the store to put up a flyer on our community board offered to give me a jump, just like that. This Josh, he restored some of my faith in humanity. After pulling his old Mustang around in front of mine, he jumped the battery and was on his way. I went back in the store to get my purse, and when I come back out ... the car was dead again. (NO!!!) This time, I called another Starbucks, and Casey, another partner, offered to come by on her way to the dinner for Serena (it had been changed from Friday to Monday) and jump my car again (she rocks).

This time, I headed to Wal-mart, praying the whole time just to make it there. Once at Wal-mart, I waited for two hours to have the battery replaced (note to self: learn to install car battery). It was after 8p by the time I got home, and I was dead on my feet. But the car is functional again. I think there was some damage from the cold in Cleveland, but who knows. Yet another reason to revel in a snowless Central Valley.

Today was a good day, all things considered. I had my Store Plan of Action visit with Autumn, and it was really nice to spend time connecting with her, even if my head was foggy. We spent most of the morning in the cafe, surrounded by sixth graders having a "field trip" at my store for scholastic excellence. While it's flattering that they came to our store, it was so distracting. Autumn even commented that it was strange to see me so easily distracted. But all I can do is try, eh. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday afternoon to hopefully get some help with the cold that never ends.

Ups and Downs:
- I haven't seen my parents for a month. Might as well be living in Cleveland (but glad I'm not!).
+ Giada's learned to play Fetch, and it's the cutest thing! It works best with elastic hair bands -- I sit somewhere and toss it; she runs over, picks it up, and carries it back to me like a little dog. She usually drops it and starts to bat it around until I pick it up and throw it again. I'll have to make a video one of these days.
+ I'm growing in my relationship with God, slowly but surely. He's been showing me some awesome, interesting things lately.
+ In an effort to continue organizing my store's backroom, I spent a couple of hours on Monday banging on metro shelving with a rubber hammer to move things around. It actually made me feel better, all that moving around. And now I know how to release anger should I be having a bad day!
+ On Saturday, I'm attending a series of classes at The Well to learn more about the church. Looking forward to meeting more people.

All righty, time to peace out. It's been a boring entry -- really, all that's happened the past two weeks is: Erica hopefully made a new friend! Erica got sick! Erica replaced her car battery! There you have it. Have a great week.

The good Lord gave us mountains so we could learn how to climb.

Sheesh, these Friday updates are becoming rather routine, eh? Bad Erica.

This week, I read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, an wonderful book about recapturing the feminine heart that God created in every woman. Abbey gave it to me back in April, and I was excited to start it, but a few chapters in, I realized that the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with didn't value me or treat me in the ways described in the book, and although I desperately wanted to be considering captivating by who I thought was the love of my life, I knew I wasn't and couldn't bear to keep reading and feel even more disappointed. Disgustingly sad, but true.

But now I'm in a much better place, and this time, reading the book was an affirming experience. I recommend it and its complement, Wild at Heart. One of the most important lessons learned wasn't explicit in the text, but I realized that I don't have to be "fixed" for things to happen in my life. I think I've been telling myself that I'm "open but not looking" for a new relationship as: a) self-defense mechanism; and b) I didn't think God would allow me to be in another relationship until I was ready, as long as ready meant an awesome Christian woman, all radiant and sparkly and perky. Instead, God will work on His own time. I'm never going to be perfect so there's never going to be a point at which I'm "good enough" to meet someone. People get married as non-Christians, give their lives to Christ, and their relationship grows as a result. They weren't walking with God but found each other in spite of it. I'm growing, learning, stumbling, and repenting, and I will be for the rest of my life. There will never be a "perfect" time, just a right time -- God's time. So I don't need to be afraid of it, but God helps those who help themselves -- I shouldn't be unobservant. "Open," yes, but "not looking" really comes from a place of fear, not a place of trusting God to provide. So now I will honestly trust God to provide me with my soul mate, the man created for me, sooner rather than later. He knows the desires of my heart; He placed them there.

For the past seven years or so, I've thought that my whole life was about God trying to teach me that He is in control, and I am not so I need to let go. But that's not it. My whole life is about God teaching me that we do want the same things, and He is God, and I am not. It's not a control issue; it's a love issue. I shouldn't let go of my need for control because I'm not in control; I should let go because I trust Him.

Exciting stuff, eh? To God, I am captivating, interesting, and irreplaceable. If there are three words to sum up how I felt for the past three years of my former relationship, they are dull, uninteresting, and replaceable. Just because I didn't have a major career goal didn't mean that I didn't have dreams, but my ex didn't seem to understand that. But just because I have a specific job goal in mind didn't mean I didn't want to be someone, that I didn't have incredible dreams for my life. He just wasn't interested in my dreams.

Now I'm free to pursue those dreams, and God wants me to. Still, I want to share my dreams with someone, with The One. So. There we go.

Well, the coming week might be a bit stressful -- my assistant manager is taking a week of vacation so I'm running the place alone. The store will be fine; I just might run myself crazy. I don't know how to relax at work, and sometimes it's that much worse if my mind is full enough for two people.

Other things to look forward to:

• Monday, I'm attending a dessert at the home of the directional leader of The Well. Good way to meet people, but I'm not great at small talk so I'm nervous. Pray for me?
• I think I'm going to start going to Yo-God, a Christian-based yoga class at Sisters Yoga on Tuesday nights.
• Wednesday is the first meeting of the Life Group I signed up for, a post-college-age women's group studying the book of Daniel.
• Tomorrow or next week, I'm planning to get another cat. Giada is getting a little sister, like it or not.
• Hoping to find time and money to go snowboarding again. I didn't make it up last week because I'm nervous about going alone; maybe I'll be able to find a partner.

Well, I've been much wordier than I expected to be, so to reward you all for your patience, Giada pictures! Have a great week.

Playing on the patio:


This is what I do to convince you I'm adorable:


Gimme five. HIGH five!

Play that funky music, white girl.

Hello, hello. Yet another Friday update. It's been an uneventful week. I've been feeling under the weather and in a bit of a funk, for reasons known and unknown. Hoping to pull myself out of the muck over the weekend.

Sunday, I attended church at The Well Community Church and enjoyed it immensely. The praise band is really good; the "pastor," Brad, and his wife spoke about relationships. It was a great lesson for me to hear, articulated problems in my former relationship and qualities I want in my next relationship. This Sunday, I hope to sign up for a Life Group (small group meetings) as well as a class that introduces the church, its beliefs, and its programs.

Tuesday was my first district meeting since my return to California. Good to see and meet managers. We're a big group (15 -- Autumn is a saint); it makes for that much more interesting discussion. I got to share my favorite coffee pairing, Gold Coast and cheesecake (though I substituted cream cheese pastries from La Boulangerie because it was 9a).

Wednesday after work, I come home and spent almost the rest of the day on the couch -- really didn't feel well. Slept for 14 hours (unmedicated) that night, and I needed every minute of it. Thursday morning, I felt refreshed, but the feeling hasn't lasted long. Work felt like it took forever again today, and I'm going to bed within the hour. See, can you feel the funk? I need prayer -- that God will lift my spirits and refresh my soul.

Things to Be Considered Energizing:

• Giada might be getting a little sister in the next week.
• Get to spend a chunk of time with Autumn on Monday.
• Have been invited a social at the home of Brad and Jen (directional leaders of The Well) on Jan 28.
• Going to cancel my cable TV. It's a waste of time and money.
• In two weeks, I have two days off in a row. YAY.

That's all, for now.

There's still time for you.

Hello, hello! Long time, no blog. :) Hadn't found the right combination of time and motivation until now. So let's catch up.

• The window has been replaced; my store no longer looks like an abandoned warehouse.
• Snowboarding was amazing! Julio and I went up a week and a half ago, accompanied by his friends Zach and Danielle. He owes me a steak dinner in April because I didn't fall getting off the ski lift (my brain's reaction: Oh my God, I'm not on the ground! Oh my God, I'm not on the ground! It was a bit of an out-of-body experience). I learned to start and stop and turn and (almost) how to pull myself off the ground (because I did spend an awful lot of time on my bum). It was incredible -- the closest thing I've ever felt to flying which firmly on the ground. I can't wait to go back. I'm not a snowboarder yet, but someday I will be.
• Work is going well. We could use more business, but it will come. Looking forward to connecting with other managers on Tuesday at the district meeting.
• Wednesday was Matt's birthday, and I was supposed to head home for the annual Matt's Birthday Morning Breakfast, but I slept through my alarm and didn't make it. I can't remember the last time I slept through an alarm, but oh well. He and Abbey left for Indiana on Friday and are still on their way across the US of A; please keep them in your prayers!
  
• Thursday night, we had a shift supervisor meeting at my apartment that went very well. I'm excited that we can all move forward on the same page. But it was also the first time Giada's been around more than two people without freaking out. She was a perfectly delightful little kitten and spent most of the meeting curled up in the middle of the living room. See, family, she's not a devil kitty after all.
• Giada's also learned to love the patio balcony. She likes to flip around on the concrete and stare at the cats in the window across the way. Fine with me as long as she doesn't fall off.
• Monday night, I had dinner with Serena at Dai Bai Dang. In addition to wonderful company and conversation, let me mention how much I love their Garlic Green Beans and Sweet and Sour Pork. Mmm.
• Earlier this week, I finished The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. Highly recommended. Next up -- something else from the library, I think an Anne Tyler book.

That's about been life for the past week and a half. Tomorrow will be a full day -- I'm going to church at The Well at 11a. It was started several years ago by a 24-year-old who wanted to reach out the people his age who didn't quite fit into many traditionally offered ministries at most churches -- me to a tee. Hoping to find a church home there. Then reading the paper at a Starbucks and an afternoon filled with chores.

A few days ago, my friend, Rachel, and I were talking over AIM. It was a conversation of reflection, and I'd like to share some thoughts with you.

In church this morning, I was sitting next to my sister and her fiance and saw them move closer and hold hands. Seeing them together is wonderful and painful at the same time. I started praying and said, I'm so happy for them, but I'm lonely, too. I want a life partner, too. I miss being part of a unit, even if that unit was dysfunctional. But then I realized that, if it hadn't been for the break-up, I would have been sitting my apartment in Cleveland with snow on the ground and a cold. I wouldn't have the chance to be in California with my family at the church I grew up in, which was the only place I really wanted to be. And it gave me the perspective I needed to step away and remember that life holds so much more than romantic love. Yes, finding my soul mate will be a huge part of life, but there's so much else to live for in the meantime. It made being "open but not looking" not feel so strenuous.

I'm thankful for the process. I'm thankful for all of the processes that have brought me where I am. When I first got online after I got home from work, I was going to put up a new away message and thought, I love my life. I didn't have an extraordinary day, just a day of church with my family then driving back then time with the cat then a nice night at work, but it made for a wonderful day. If I was in Cleveland, today would have been wake up late with the boy, don't do much, maybe work and have fun with people but still hate the snow and the cold and the hospital, and I wouldn't have been happy. Because now I'm happy, and it's so nice to be happy again. To find pleasure in normalcy, to find delight in little things. Real pleasure and delight, at that. I thought I had it with Bryan, but hating being in Cleveland wasn't alleviated by being with him, try as I did. I should have known then, but I was so good at deceiving myself for so long.

As the months fly by, my perspective grows deeper. Hindsight is always 20/20, eh. I continue to be amazed at the ways that God provides for me, at the promises He delivers. I am awestruck by His love and the many blessings I get to experience. And He's always there, even when I wander away for a moment. He's there to pick me up, to set me on my feet, to guide my path. I never realized what fun it would be to walk in His plan. I knew He had one, and that it would be much better than my own, but I didn't expect it to be fun. He knows exactly how to get me.

And now I'm finally getting sleepy so I think it's wrap-up time. In the coming week, remember my parents on Monday as they celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary (congratulations, Momma and Daddy!). And think good thoughts for me on Thursday as I attempt my first solo trip to Sierra Summit. Jumping-out-of-my-skin excited for the snowboarding, not so much for the driving and the bruised tailbone. Oh well, it's totally worth it!

And while we're on the subject, some Snowboarding Erica pics to close:

Ready and set. Don't mind my beanie-egg-head.


And then I was going -- look at that grin!


And falling. :) You can tell I spent a lot of time in the down position. But I still looked supercute!


Peace, y'all. Until next week.

So this is the new year.

Hello, hello. Happy 2008! Is anyone else as completely relieved as I am that 2007 is over and done with?

Things didn't quite turn out as expected after last week's blog. At 330a on Saturday morning, I received a call from my district manager, asking me to meet her at the store because something was wrong with the door. When we arrived, the door was just fine. But one of the large front windows was gone. Completely shattered. We were able to enter the store ...

(Giada is throwing her feathered stick toy around the living room. It's one of the most adorable things I've ever seen.)

... Anyway, we entered the store, and thank goodness, everything was fine inside -- nothing else broken, nothing missing. Fresno PD arrived after a while to file a report and said that they'd had a rash of business windows shot out along Shaw Avenue over the prior week and a half. Greeeat. Now there's a huge piece of plywood boarding up the window and adding some ghetto flavah to our patio. The glass company should be replacing both panes (the top pane has a bullet hole in the corner -- it was too tough for the BB gun) by this weekend.

But the whole experience meant that I wasn't home and back in bed until almost 730a. Which meant that snowboarding was a no-go. I was already exhausted and couldn't imagine willingly hurtling myself down a hill without all of my faculties about me. There's a possibility that we might go tomorrow, but if not, I plan to haul myself up to Sierra Summit one of these days for a lesson or two. (Anyone interested in joining me?)

Saturday turned into a beautiful day for making a store visit (I hadn't seen the window boarded-up yet), shopping, and visiting the library (reading more books is a Goal for 2008). Sunday, I spent most of the morning on the couch and couldn't bring myself to go to church. It had been an emotional weekend, and I still had to go to work. Work was fine.

Monday was a nice day at work. Monday evening, Abbey (my sister) and two of her friends, Jessica and Emily, spent the night to celebrate New Year's Eve. I'm an old fart and hit the hay at 1130p; I opened the next day and making it all the way to midnight was a death sentence for Tuesday morning. It was nice having the girls here, like having roommates again. Generally, I am fine living alone, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone in the other room. Someone to laugh with, someone to yell at the TV with. Living with a boy before I was married wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done but, heck, do I miss having a best friend around all the time.

New Year's Day, work was one of the slowest days I've ever had at Starbucks. We didn't waste any time -- I finished a to do list, and we cleaned like crazy. After work, I came home for a couple of hours, went out to Office Max to by new Covey planning pages for Dustin and myself (woo!), and dropped them by the store. Worked again today then had an early dinner with Becca (let's do it again soon!) and now I'm home with the whole night ahead of me. Granted, it's 8p so by the time I do some laundry and finish The Devil Wears Prada, I'll be amply ready for bed; I just love a relaxing end to a great day. Especially when the next day is a day off.

Looking forward to:

• New Starbucks promotion! (Lots of cute new mugs. If you see anything you can't live without, remember to go to the Starbucks at First and Shaw. :)
• Abbey's fiance, Matt, flies into LA on Friday, and I'm spending the weekend at home to be with the family. Looking forward to seeing him for the first time since they were engaged. (I have to be sure that someday he helps my future husband pop the question because his was one of those delightfully perfect proposals.)
• I'm going to be the Maid of Honor in Abbey's wedding!
• Setting up my planner with the new pages. I'm a sucker for calendaring and organization.

Until next time.