You're yes then you're no.

Because a survey is such an easier way to blog:

Where were you yesterday?
Home, work, and library. Woke up early, showered, ate breakfast, worked all day, felt icky, went to the library, went home, fed the cats, and got in bed.

What do you have planned for tonight?
Andrew and Shakinah's Housewarming, if I remember.

What are you excited for?
My siblings both (all?) come home next week!

What color are your nails?
Natural -- no color for work.

What kind of car do you drive?
2008 Pontiac Torrent.

Do you have perfume on?
Not now. When I remember to wear something perfume-y, it is usually Grass by Gap Body. Smells like sweet alfalfa, mmm.

Last time you missed someone badly?
Last Friday, I needed family.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Cleaning in the morning, a walk, and work at night.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I wrote on a card last week. And I pray in writing.

What is one thing you're against?
Failure to donate organs. And torture.

Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Whether I like it or not, he has a piece of me.

Are you open about your sex life?
I would be if there was one.

What's your favorite smell?
Alfalfa. Anything remotely cinnamon. Freshly baked bread.

What are you thinking about right now?
I get to go grocery shopping!

What is the oldest person you would date right now? What about youngest?
Um. 24-35. Have someone in mind? :)

Are you wearing diamonds?
No, I'm not good with jewelry, much less real jewels. But my earring studs are CZ. Or whatever the cheapie Target equivalent is.

Current mood?
Good night's sleep, productive morning, and a tasty good-bye brunch means I am a happy lady!

What is the best movie you have seen in the past two weeks?
Precious. Heart-rending, touch to watch, but fantastic. Up was really good, too.

Wake up next to anyone this morning?
Just kitties at my feet.

Do you have a favorite item of clothing?
Lately, my fleece vest.

Do you use lip gloss?
Yes, I need some color to avoid zombie lips.

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
School. And not giving up on God. And not hating Ohio automatically. And a lot of things.

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing, I'm in the library.

What did you eat for lunch today?
Hawaiian omelet, fruit, and a biscuit with gravy at the Fresno Breakfast House. Tasty, but the biscuit wasn't as good as I remember.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Hmm. A haircut. Next week is too long to wait.

Do you want to have any children?
Absolutely.

Describe your favorite shoes?
My Land's End slippers.

Did you stand on your tippy-toes when you had your last kiss?
No.

When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?
Just Jesus, and He's always with me.

Where did you meet the last male you texted?
At work.

Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them?
Never!

What were your first thoughts this morning?
I woke up at one this morning for no reason; my only coherent thought then was, Uuugh, wwwwhy?

What has been a big thing on your mind lately?
Money issues, confidence or lack thereof, what to do/God wants me to do with my life. You know ....

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Saturday night. I was in a BAD mood at work.

What did you realize today?
I remembered how loud my laugh is. Ah, well, old folks -- sorry. You'll just have to turn down those hearing aids!

What were you doing at 7:45 AM this morning?
Shopping at Wal-Mart while my oil was being changed. It's amazing how much better your vehicle will run when you maintain it properly (sorry, Dad).

Have you hugged someone within the last week?
Carlos, Mandie at the memorial.

Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side?
On top so it can soak in and soften them up a little. I don't like crunchy fries.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
The guy who printed something in front of me.

Is there anyone holding a grudge against you?
Not that I know of. Maybe some of those customers picking up on my hand-meet-first vibes.

What did you do today that was fun?
Joked around with the mechanic guys, shopped, worked on two crosswords, had brunch with Carlos.

Have you hugged a family member lately?
My parents and all three grandparents at Thanksgiving. And soon, my siblings!

What are you doing this weekend?
Cleaning, working, churching.

How many tattoos would you like to have?
One someday.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
No. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going in life, but this gratitude thing really has me by the throat. I haven't been this content, in the midst of inner disquiet, in a long time.

What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

Name the first person you can think of that has a tattoo?
Amanda.

Do you have a dog?
No. I'm not a dog person.

Do you like anyone?
Not like-like.

Last person you told a secret to?
I don't know.

When was the last time you cried?
Wednesday night, reading Tuesdays with Morrie.

What was the last movie you watched in the theatre?
Precious.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?
Yes.

Do you like your first name?
Enough. Sometimes I wish it was something more original, and had a nickname. But it's me, through and through.

Name something great that happened today?
I got to pay bills.

How many kids do you want?
4. But the clock is ticking ....

What time did you go to bed last night?
In bed at 730p. Asleep by 930p.

Have you ever gone out in public with the same clothes you wore to bed?
Sure, that's what dorm living is for.

Person you last sent a text to and what did it say?
Carlos, about coffee.

Are you in a good mood?
Very much so.

Would you believe your eyes.

A few weeks ago at church, we spent a couple of weeks talking about intention and Christmas, forgoing a commercially-driven holiday for a season of purpose. The congregation was asked to share, through cards, what God laid on their hearts for the season. My answer: Gratitude. I want to be grateful, and more grateful, for the presence of God, family, and friends in my life. I want to spend more time with others and have more fun. I want to be purposeful with my time and resources. I didn't know, when asking for gratitude, that I would need it so much in the days to come. The death of a Starbucks partner from a store close to mine, the death of a dear colleague's mother, the coming and goings of friends, work stresses. Normally, these combined circumstances would simply bring me to my knees. But God has been cultivating my grateful heart, and with that has come such blessing and strength. I am sad in the face of loss but thankful for time spent. I am pressed with work and struggles but not crushed, never abandoned. It is a wave that carries me above the storm.


All of which brings me to what prompted me to write. An artist I know very little about has a website I look at every so often, just to see what's new. He creates picture based on phrases. I clicked on the link to "what a perfect day" and caught my breath in a smile. Because this is how I feel falling into Love and Gratitude.

Sam Brown, 12.3.09
www.explodingdog.com

Heavy things shouldn't come out of nowhere.

For the past year, I think every blog I've written has started out with some sort of acknowledgement of my failure to blog consistently. Today is no exception -- still sucking it up. Oh well!

In lieu of coherence, I'm just going to tell y'all about some of my favorite things lately.

1) The Clumsy Lovers, "Bobby Banjo." I heard this song for the first time at Starbucks last night, and it makes me giggle.

2) Speaking of music, I also really like Eric Hutchison and Owl City. And ... Kelly Clarkson, Jupiter Sunrise, Rent, Mamma Mia!, Mandisa, and Jibbs. Go fight win, good music.

3) Thanksgiving -- I ate more in two days than I had in two weeks. Finished off the last of pumpkin pie leftovers last night (and realized why I try to avoid sugar before bed -- weird dreams abound) and have just enough for one more open-faced turkey sandwich, mmm. Plus, I watched my first NFL football games of the season. Yes, ladies and gents, my middle name is Deprived. As well as lots of time with the parents and all three grandparents. Yay, family.

4) Caramel Brulee Latte. If you haven't been to Starbucks recently, go get this drink! It's delicious and nutrituous! Maybe not nutritious, but as I tell customers on the fence -- it's good for the soul. Seriously, I rarely like new promotional drinks, but this one is simply fabulous.

5) God's provision. In the face of recent tragedy and difficulty, God is always there to lift me up, and I am always in awe that He deigns to even acknowledge my existence.

6) I never thought I'd live to see the day, but Star Trek! I Redbox-ed the new Star Trek movie last night, hoping for a fun romp with cute boys to go along with my pumpkin pie and early evening in. I got all that and more! This movie is fabulous! Entertaining, engaging, and spectacular with great acting, great effects, and great balance of elements for the Live-Long-and-Prosper diehard fans as well as the William-Shatner-is-Creepy people like me.

Do I dare admit that I really want to add seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation to my Netflix?

7) It's Christmas time! And for all the angry shoppers, the stupid drivers, the silly music, and the raging commercialism, there is significance, family, goodwill, and a Savior. No snow, though, which I miss a little.

Now I'm really rambling so it's time to go home, clean and do laundry, put up Christmas decorations, and get ready for .... Cheesecake Factory and Trans-Siberian Orchestra with Jess and Tamara tonight!

Hey now.

Again, I've been a naughty blogger so here's a survey to tide us over until I can muster real thoughts.

current book: Sex With Kings by Eleanor herman. It's about royal mistresses in Europe for the past 1000 years. Very interesting. I've also recently reread The Dogs of Babel (wonderful) and The Red Tent.

current films: In the past week, I've watched The Time Traveler's Wife (C+, the book is a favorite of mine and much better), The Proposal (B, funny in moments but I'd seen most of those in the trailers), My Life in Ruins (B, cute and sweet with yummy Greek men and architecture!), Up (A, wonderful, touching, endearing, and laugh-out-loud funny).

current shame-inducing guilty pleasure: ANTM finale last night! And Sour Cream Lemon pie, that was tasty. And not working two days in a row -- I'm bored.

current color: Purple. According to my sources, it does good things for me and makes me look like a German tourist (Heidi Klum, maybe? ;-)

current link: msnbc.com

current song: Amy Grant and Kelly Clarkson stuff at the moment. And "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets.

current outfit: Purple long-sleeved tee, pink cami, jeans. Tourista!

current drink: I'm jonesing for a soy Caramel Brulee Latte right about now.

current food: Apple Cinnamon oatmeal for breakfast.

current wish list: The ability to travel to Indy and Spain next year.

current triumphs: Actually, I've lost 22 lbs in the past couple of months.

current bane of my existence: My warty left finger.

current celebrity crush: Rodrigo Santoro (Karl in Love, Actually).

current indulgence: There hasn't been much time for indulgence lately. I suppose it would be changing my cell phone plan to 1500 texts/mth so I don't text myself out of house and home.

current excitement:
Lots:
Happy birthday today, Daddy-o!
Thankgiving and Black Friday next week!
Trans-Siberian Orchestra on Dec 2 with Jess and ...!
Carlos moving to Spain! (Not exciting for anyone but Carlos and John, but still. :)
Amanda's birthday!
Abbey and Matt coming home!
Travis coming home!
Papa's birthday!
Christmas!
Momma's birthday!

It's a busy 6 weeks.

Rain, rain ...

... stay right here! Who is loving this weather? I'm normally a sunshine gal, but it's been forever since we've had a proper storm. Plus, my car is officially clean for free. I'm planning to enjoy the rain as long as possible because I'm sure that, in a few days, I will be begging for my natural "source" of vitamin D once again. Or I could start taking fish oil supplements. Ew.

To encourage interaction, and give me some spark, ask me a question! Anything, within appropriate reason. I will answer, and ask back, and there might even be dialogue. Let's get crazy, people. Have at!

Conjunction junction, what's your function?

Doings I Enjoy:

• Discussing crosswords with Jack, a regular. His suggestion -- save (easy) Monday's puzzle for Friday. Complete in view of lots of people in "record" time, in pen!
• Being a rock star; ie, completing a Friday crossword all by myself! Only took six days.
• Trying to remember how to punctuate that using "ie," which means time to pull out the MLA Handbook. Yay, grammar!
• Football season.
• Thinking of words to replace "things" and "stuff." Mr. Stanaway would be so proud.
• Thinking about writing. The actual writing hasn't been so successful. But I have lots of topics to write about ... about which to write.

:)

Got a couple rips in my jeans.

Holy moly, so much for records. No posts since February? Pathetic! To kick us off, here are some ramblings from another recent journal:

The Fresno summer makes me hate California. Until it's 90 degrees in July and feels like rain. Then I love it but am a little weirded out. It's not supposed to be 90 degrees in July.

Travis is moving to North Carolina as we speak. He should arrive in Chapel Hill this evening. Now all the kids are spread across the country.

(Using the computer at the library can be so interesting, especially in the early morning. There is an older gentleman sitting next to me grumbling under his breath about who knows what, but it's entertaining. A few moments ago, his phone rang and his version of "Quiet Computer Lab" was waiting to answer its catchy ringtone until he got to the lab door then speaking loudly in another language -- Armenian? Russian? Greek? I wasn't listening closely. I love the library.)

A friend of mine wants to write a book about his worldview and has asked me to read his current 100 pages of brain dump then edit and organize it into possible chapters to start the book-process. We met a few weeks ago to talk about his worldview, his thesis, his goals for the end result. I haven't found time yet to get through all of the material (it's a lot of brain dump), and I'm not sure how far along in the process I want to be involved in, but it's a miniscule launch into the world of editing. And he'll pay me something. We'll see.

Also speaking of career goals, I am not a writer. I suppose, I am not a writer of fiction. I hate writing fiction. There are no stories, no characters bumbling about in my head, clamoring to find their ways to a page. The worst writing assignment I ever had was in my college Ancient Literature class with Dr. Wall: Write a 3-5 page version of Purgatorio, with you as the protagonist led by Virgil through the underworld and meeting at least three characters from other literary works studied during the semester. Oh, the agony! I hated it. Still do.

Anyway, my point: I am not a fiction writer. At most, someday I might hope to be a rather uncreative creative nonfiction writer, if enough more interesting experiences happen to me. But one thing I know, I need more writing practice. When I used to write every day, I would see the beauty in the small goings-on of life. I would look for the interesting in the ordinary so that I could pen it later. Therefore, goal: To write something every day because practice makes permanence.