As Christmas approaches and we prepare to spend time with friends and family, I thought I'd share what's been impressed upon my heart in the past few weeks. Forgive my lack of cohesion or flow, but it's been a while since I've written here about the state of my heart.
Last night on KLUV, listeners called in to share stories of blessings received and bestowed this season in their lives and communities. One caller, a recovering addict, spoke of a moment he shared with another recovering addict at a Wendy's restaurant. He noticed the man's recovery tokens, prayed with him, and encouraged him in his journey. But what spoke to me was what he took away from the encounter: "I learned something that night about being humble. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."
His words made me store of think about how I think of myself. I generally consider myself someone with very little to give other than an abundance of time and obsessive personality. That is a degradation of me -- I do not see what I have of worth that others might be of services to others. But humility does not have room for pride or shame, only service. To be humble, to have a spirit of humility -- is it an action? Is it a trait gained through action, through godly focus on others' needs and wants before one's own?
Jesus is the ultimate example of humility. He left being God in heaven for the existence of a completely helpless human infant born in a barn to parents of shady background (to the world -- unmarried pregnant woman and the man who received her). He is the reason for the season, but as a song sings, so are we. We, us sin-full humans, are the reason Jesus became flesh, God Incarnate. Not only flesh, but a complete dependent. Then he went on to grow up, to have to learn to walk, to learn to speak, to learn fear and heartache and loneliness and companionship and joy and abundance. To accept His call to ministry. To be the Sacrifice for all of mankind. He, who is God, entered the world as its most defenseless citizen and left is as the ultimate Defense to human need.
Wow. Humility. Why? Love.
Humility is the elevation of other people in love, not the degradation of self in shame. I can give because I love in Christ, not because I have nothing to offer. Jesus will provide for the need if I am willing to be the vessel.
Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A few of my favorite things.
Two for the price of one! I'm posting twice today, and the next blog will be more indepth. But first, let me share some of my favorite things with y'all.
- Sometimes, this is what life with my kitties feels like! Drabble 12/20/09.
- Sometimes this is what my job feels like. Pearls Before Swine 12/19/09.
- The Zip-It. Amazing! I was showering in 6 inches of water (because I kept forgetting to call my apartment maintenance), and no kind of liquid drainer cleaner would help. I finally decided to try to clean it myself, found this nifty tool at Wal-mart for only $2.00, and was clog-free in minutes! Granted, it took some pretty nasty clumps of hair coming out of the drain to get that way but totally worth it. Bonus: Clementine loves to bat it around the bathroom -- cat toy!
- Trader Joe's Instant Oatmeal with Organic Cane Sugar and Flax Seed. Toss in a few dried blueberries for a fabulous easy breakfast.
- "Breath of Heaven" might be my favorite Christmas song. It brings me to tears every time.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
You're yes then you're no.
Because a survey is such an easier way to blog:
Where were you yesterday?
Home, work, and library. Woke up early, showered, ate breakfast, worked all day, felt icky, went to the library, went home, fed the cats, and got in bed.
What do you have planned for tonight?
Andrew and Shakinah's Housewarming, if I remember.
What are you excited for?
My siblings both (all?) come home next week!
What color are your nails?
Natural -- no color for work.
What kind of car do you drive?
2008 Pontiac Torrent.
Do you have perfume on?
Not now. When I remember to wear something perfume-y, it is usually Grass by Gap Body. Smells like sweet alfalfa, mmm.
Last time you missed someone badly?
Last Friday, I needed family.
Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Cleaning in the morning, a walk, and work at night.
When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I wrote on a card last week. And I pray in writing.
What is one thing you're against?
Failure to donate organs. And torture.
Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Whether I like it or not, he has a piece of me.
Are you open about your sex life?
I would be if there was one.
What's your favorite smell?
Alfalfa. Anything remotely cinnamon. Freshly baked bread.
What are you thinking about right now?
I get to go grocery shopping!
What is the oldest person you would date right now? What about youngest?
Um. 24-35. Have someone in mind? :)
Are you wearing diamonds?
No, I'm not good with jewelry, much less real jewels. But my earring studs are CZ. Or whatever the cheapie Target equivalent is.
Current mood?
Good night's sleep, productive morning, and a tasty good-bye brunch means I am a happy lady!
What is the best movie you have seen in the past two weeks?
Precious. Heart-rending, touch to watch, but fantastic. Up was really good, too.
Wake up next to anyone this morning?
Just kitties at my feet.
Do you have a favorite item of clothing?
Lately, my fleece vest.
Do you use lip gloss?
Yes, I need some color to avoid zombie lips.
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
School. And not giving up on God. And not hating Ohio automatically. And a lot of things.
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing, I'm in the library.
What did you eat for lunch today?
Hawaiian omelet, fruit, and a biscuit with gravy at the Fresno Breakfast House. Tasty, but the biscuit wasn't as good as I remember.
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Hmm. A haircut. Next week is too long to wait.
Do you want to have any children?
Absolutely.
Describe your favorite shoes?
My Land's End slippers.
Did you stand on your tippy-toes when you had your last kiss?
No.
When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?
Just Jesus, and He's always with me.
Where did you meet the last male you texted?
At work.
Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them?
Never!
What were your first thoughts this morning?
I woke up at one this morning for no reason; my only coherent thought then was, Uuugh, wwwwhy?
What has been a big thing on your mind lately?
Money issues, confidence or lack thereof, what to do/God wants me to do with my life. You know ....
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Saturday night. I was in a BAD mood at work.
What did you realize today?
I remembered how loud my laugh is. Ah, well, old folks -- sorry. You'll just have to turn down those hearing aids!
What were you doing at 7:45 AM this morning?
Shopping at Wal-Mart while my oil was being changed. It's amazing how much better your vehicle will run when you maintain it properly (sorry, Dad).
Have you hugged someone within the last week?
Carlos, Mandie at the memorial.
Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side?
On top so it can soak in and soften them up a little. I don't like crunchy fries.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
The guy who printed something in front of me.
Is there anyone holding a grudge against you?
Not that I know of. Maybe some of those customers picking up on my hand-meet-first vibes.
What did you do today that was fun?
Joked around with the mechanic guys, shopped, worked on two crosswords, had brunch with Carlos.
Have you hugged a family member lately?
My parents and all three grandparents at Thanksgiving. And soon, my siblings!
What are you doing this weekend?
Cleaning, working, churching.
How many tattoos would you like to have?
One someday.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
No. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going in life, but this gratitude thing really has me by the throat. I haven't been this content, in the midst of inner disquiet, in a long time.
What was the last thing you drank?
Water.
Name the first person you can think of that has a tattoo?
Amanda.
Do you have a dog?
No. I'm not a dog person.
Do you like anyone?
Not like-like.
Last person you told a secret to?
I don't know.
When was the last time you cried?
Wednesday night, reading Tuesdays with Morrie.
What was the last movie you watched in the theatre?
Precious.
Do you want to get married and have children one day?
Yes.
Do you like your first name?
Enough. Sometimes I wish it was something more original, and had a nickname. But it's me, through and through.
Name something great that happened today?
I got to pay bills.
How many kids do you want?
4. But the clock is ticking ....
What time did you go to bed last night?
In bed at 730p. Asleep by 930p.
Have you ever gone out in public with the same clothes you wore to bed?
Sure, that's what dorm living is for.
Person you last sent a text to and what did it say?
Carlos, about coffee.
Are you in a good mood?
Very much so.
Where were you yesterday?
Home, work, and library. Woke up early, showered, ate breakfast, worked all day, felt icky, went to the library, went home, fed the cats, and got in bed.
What do you have planned for tonight?
Andrew and Shakinah's Housewarming, if I remember.
What are you excited for?
My siblings both (all?) come home next week!
What color are your nails?
Natural -- no color for work.
What kind of car do you drive?
2008 Pontiac Torrent.
Do you have perfume on?
Not now. When I remember to wear something perfume-y, it is usually Grass by Gap Body. Smells like sweet alfalfa, mmm.
Last time you missed someone badly?
Last Friday, I needed family.
Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Cleaning in the morning, a walk, and work at night.
When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I wrote on a card last week. And I pray in writing.
What is one thing you're against?
Failure to donate organs. And torture.
Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Whether I like it or not, he has a piece of me.
Are you open about your sex life?
I would be if there was one.
What's your favorite smell?
Alfalfa. Anything remotely cinnamon. Freshly baked bread.
What are you thinking about right now?
I get to go grocery shopping!
What is the oldest person you would date right now? What about youngest?
Um. 24-35. Have someone in mind? :)
Are you wearing diamonds?
No, I'm not good with jewelry, much less real jewels. But my earring studs are CZ. Or whatever the cheapie Target equivalent is.
Current mood?
Good night's sleep, productive morning, and a tasty good-bye brunch means I am a happy lady!
What is the best movie you have seen in the past two weeks?
Precious. Heart-rending, touch to watch, but fantastic. Up was really good, too.
Wake up next to anyone this morning?
Just kitties at my feet.
Do you have a favorite item of clothing?
Lately, my fleece vest.
Do you use lip gloss?
Yes, I need some color to avoid zombie lips.
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
School. And not giving up on God. And not hating Ohio automatically. And a lot of things.
What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nothing, I'm in the library.
What did you eat for lunch today?
Hawaiian omelet, fruit, and a biscuit with gravy at the Fresno Breakfast House. Tasty, but the biscuit wasn't as good as I remember.
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
Hmm. A haircut. Next week is too long to wait.
Do you want to have any children?
Absolutely.
Describe your favorite shoes?
My Land's End slippers.
Did you stand on your tippy-toes when you had your last kiss?
No.
When's the next time you will see the person who absolutely takes your breath away?
Just Jesus, and He's always with me.
Where did you meet the last male you texted?
At work.
Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them?
Never!
What were your first thoughts this morning?
I woke up at one this morning for no reason; my only coherent thought then was, Uuugh, wwwwhy?
What has been a big thing on your mind lately?
Money issues, confidence or lack thereof, what to do/God wants me to do with my life. You know ....
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Saturday night. I was in a BAD mood at work.
What did you realize today?
I remembered how loud my laugh is. Ah, well, old folks -- sorry. You'll just have to turn down those hearing aids!
What were you doing at 7:45 AM this morning?
Shopping at Wal-Mart while my oil was being changed. It's amazing how much better your vehicle will run when you maintain it properly (sorry, Dad).
Have you hugged someone within the last week?
Carlos, Mandie at the memorial.
Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side?
On top so it can soak in and soften them up a little. I don't like crunchy fries.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
The guy who printed something in front of me.
Is there anyone holding a grudge against you?
Not that I know of. Maybe some of those customers picking up on my hand-meet-first vibes.
What did you do today that was fun?
Joked around with the mechanic guys, shopped, worked on two crosswords, had brunch with Carlos.
Have you hugged a family member lately?
My parents and all three grandparents at Thanksgiving. And soon, my siblings!
What are you doing this weekend?
Cleaning, working, churching.
How many tattoos would you like to have?
One someday.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
No. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going in life, but this gratitude thing really has me by the throat. I haven't been this content, in the midst of inner disquiet, in a long time.
What was the last thing you drank?
Water.
Name the first person you can think of that has a tattoo?
Amanda.
Do you have a dog?
No. I'm not a dog person.
Do you like anyone?
Not like-like.
Last person you told a secret to?
I don't know.
When was the last time you cried?
Wednesday night, reading Tuesdays with Morrie.
What was the last movie you watched in the theatre?
Precious.
Do you want to get married and have children one day?
Yes.
Do you like your first name?
Enough. Sometimes I wish it was something more original, and had a nickname. But it's me, through and through.
Name something great that happened today?
I got to pay bills.
How many kids do you want?
4. But the clock is ticking ....
What time did you go to bed last night?
In bed at 730p. Asleep by 930p.
Have you ever gone out in public with the same clothes you wore to bed?
Sure, that's what dorm living is for.
Person you last sent a text to and what did it say?
Carlos, about coffee.
Are you in a good mood?
Very much so.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Would you believe your eyes.
A few weeks ago at church, we spent a couple of weeks talking about intention and Christmas, forgoing a commercially-driven holiday for a season of purpose. The congregation was asked to share, through cards, what God laid on their hearts for the season. My answer: Gratitude. I want to be grateful, and more grateful, for the presence of God, family, and friends in my life. I want to spend more time with others and have more fun. I want to be purposeful with my time and resources. I didn't know, when asking for gratitude, that I would need it so much in the days to come. The death of a Starbucks partner from a store close to mine, the death of a dear colleague's mother, the coming and goings of friends, work stresses. Normally, these combined circumstances would simply bring me to my knees. But God has been cultivating my grateful heart, and with that has come such blessing and strength. I am sad in the face of loss but thankful for time spent. I am pressed with work and struggles but not crushed, never abandoned. It is a wave that carries me above the storm.
All of which brings me to what prompted me to write. An artist I know very little about has a website I look at every so often, just to see what's new. He creates picture based on phrases. I clicked on the link to "what a perfect day" and caught my breath in a smile. Because this is how I feel falling into Love and Gratitude.
All of which brings me to what prompted me to write. An artist I know very little about has a website I look at every so often, just to see what's new. He creates picture based on phrases. I clicked on the link to "what a perfect day" and caught my breath in a smile. Because this is how I feel falling into Love and Gratitude.
Sam Brown, 12.3.09
www.explodingdog.com
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Heavy things shouldn't come out of nowhere.
For the past year, I think every blog I've written has started out with some sort of acknowledgement of my failure to blog consistently. Today is no exception -- still sucking it up. Oh well!
In lieu of coherence, I'm just going to tell y'all about some of my favorite things lately.
1) The Clumsy Lovers, "Bobby Banjo." I heard this song for the first time at Starbucks last night, and it makes me giggle.
2) Speaking of music, I also really like Eric Hutchison and Owl City. And ... Kelly Clarkson, Jupiter Sunrise, Rent, Mamma Mia!, Mandisa, and Jibbs. Go fight win, good music.
3) Thanksgiving -- I ate more in two days than I had in two weeks. Finished off the last of pumpkin pie leftovers last night (and realized why I try to avoid sugar before bed -- weird dreams abound) and have just enough for one more open-faced turkey sandwich, mmm. Plus, I watched my first NFL football games of the season. Yes, ladies and gents, my middle name is Deprived. As well as lots of time with the parents and all three grandparents. Yay, family.
4) Caramel Brulee Latte. If you haven't been to Starbucks recently, go get this drink! It's delicious and nutrituous! Maybe not nutritious, but as I tell customers on the fence -- it's good for the soul. Seriously, I rarely like new promotional drinks, but this one is simply fabulous.
5) God's provision. In the face of recent tragedy and difficulty, God is always there to lift me up, and I am always in awe that He deigns to even acknowledge my existence.
6) I never thought I'd live to see the day, but Star Trek! I Redbox-ed the new Star Trek movie last night, hoping for a fun romp with cute boys to go along with my pumpkin pie and early evening in. I got all that and more! This movie is fabulous! Entertaining, engaging, and spectacular with great acting, great effects, and great balance of elements for the Live-Long-and-Prosper diehard fans as well as the William-Shatner-is-Creepy people like me.
Do I dare admit that I really want to add seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation to my Netflix?
7) It's Christmas time! And for all the angry shoppers, the stupid drivers, the silly music, and the raging commercialism, there is significance, family, goodwill, and a Savior. No snow, though, which I miss a little.
Now I'm really rambling so it's time to go home, clean and do laundry, put up Christmas decorations, and get ready for .... Cheesecake Factory and Trans-Siberian Orchestra with Jess and Tamara tonight!
In lieu of coherence, I'm just going to tell y'all about some of my favorite things lately.
1) The Clumsy Lovers, "Bobby Banjo." I heard this song for the first time at Starbucks last night, and it makes me giggle.
2) Speaking of music, I also really like Eric Hutchison and Owl City. And ... Kelly Clarkson, Jupiter Sunrise, Rent, Mamma Mia!, Mandisa, and Jibbs. Go fight win, good music.
3) Thanksgiving -- I ate more in two days than I had in two weeks. Finished off the last of pumpkin pie leftovers last night (and realized why I try to avoid sugar before bed -- weird dreams abound) and have just enough for one more open-faced turkey sandwich, mmm. Plus, I watched my first NFL football games of the season. Yes, ladies and gents, my middle name is Deprived. As well as lots of time with the parents and all three grandparents. Yay, family.
4) Caramel Brulee Latte. If you haven't been to Starbucks recently, go get this drink! It's delicious and nutrituous! Maybe not nutritious, but as I tell customers on the fence -- it's good for the soul. Seriously, I rarely like new promotional drinks, but this one is simply fabulous.
5) God's provision. In the face of recent tragedy and difficulty, God is always there to lift me up, and I am always in awe that He deigns to even acknowledge my existence.
6) I never thought I'd live to see the day, but Star Trek! I Redbox-ed the new Star Trek movie last night, hoping for a fun romp with cute boys to go along with my pumpkin pie and early evening in. I got all that and more! This movie is fabulous! Entertaining, engaging, and spectacular with great acting, great effects, and great balance of elements for the Live-Long-and-Prosper diehard fans as well as the William-Shatner-is-Creepy people like me.
Do I dare admit that I really want to add seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation to my Netflix?
7) It's Christmas time! And for all the angry shoppers, the stupid drivers, the silly music, and the raging commercialism, there is significance, family, goodwill, and a Savior. No snow, though, which I miss a little.
Now I'm really rambling so it's time to go home, clean and do laundry, put up Christmas decorations, and get ready for .... Cheesecake Factory and Trans-Siberian Orchestra with Jess and Tamara tonight!
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